I got to thinking this morning about how ironic it is that people are so discerning about their taste in films, yet when it comes to music, some people are content to dance the night away to Fedde Le Grand.
I draw a lot of parallels between movie and music - not least because seeing a B-grade movie is just like listening to bad music - there's nothing wrong with enjoying it once in a while, as long as you realise that what you're listening to is absolute tripe.
This chain of reasoning led me onto wondering how each genre of music could be represented as a film. So, without further introduction:
House
Regardless of what kind of house music you listen to; deep, funky, jackin', soulful or gospel, it's all feel good. Excluding that of the acid variety, house music is almost always happy. Common lyrical hooks can include such inspiring, well written gems as:
"you gotta be strong!"
"keep on moving!"
"higher! higher!"
"feel the love!"
"I'm so overwhelmingly gay it hurts!"
As such, the logical movie partner for house music is the romantic comedy; effortlessly happy, relentlessly optimistic, and often very annoying. The two are such an uncanny match I hardly believed it myself. Romantic comedies always seem to follow the same pattern: guy meets girl, falls in love, messes it up big time, then triumphs in the end with a grandiose gesture that wins her back. House music is the same - vocalist falls from grace, finds God, then returns to "see the light!".
Colin Firth & Hugh Grant. Yuck.
What kind of people enjoy house music? Women and gay guys!
"you gotta be strong!"
"keep on moving!"
"higher! higher!"
"feel the love!"
"I'm so overwhelmingly gay it hurts!"
As such, the logical movie partner for house music is the romantic comedy; effortlessly happy, relentlessly optimistic, and often very annoying. The two are such an uncanny match I hardly believed it myself. Romantic comedies always seem to follow the same pattern: guy meets girl, falls in love, messes it up big time, then triumphs in the end with a grandiose gesture that wins her back. House music is the same - vocalist falls from grace, finds God, then returns to "see the light!".
Colin Firth & Hugh Grant. Yuck.
The last nail in the coffin is a convincing one. What kind of people willingly watch a romantic comedy? Women and gay guys.
What kind of people enjoy house music? Women and gay guys!
Love Actually, Notting Hill, Bridget Jones Diary, You've Got Mail, What Women Want
Techno
This is a tough one, because, like house, techno can encompass a wide range of different feelings and styles, from Detroit to Schranz - though I'd say one feeling is more ubiquitous than any other, which is "my music is much cooler than yours".
Yes, tech-heads see themselves as a cut above the rest, better than those glowstick-loving ravers, anyway. The sheer amount of snobbery commanded by techno purists is enough to make even Lord Thistlethwaite the III drop his monocle in fright.
Of course, techno is often passed off as "intelligent music", but I don't think there's much intelligence about it at all - it's simply less fluffy than trance and house, and less twisted than the harder genres. The word "conservative" comes to mind.
So? What kind of film correlates? One that thinks it's smarter than it really is? Well, if we're talking about slower techno and tech-house, it's surely "the heist" or "thriller" film. You know, the one where the clever thief and the lead investigator play the sophisticated cat and mouse game, each trying to appear more at ease than the other?
"I know you stole that painting, Pierce"
"You think you know, so what are you going to do about it? "
...and so on and so forth.
If it's the harder type of tech we're talking about (Adam Beyer or Chris Liebing), then you've got yourself a murder mystery of course - same kind of thing, two characters jostling for position, each trying to outsmart the other - a sheer battle of wills, much like trying to explain to tech-heads that their music isn't the best thing ever, really.
The Thomas Crown Affair, Seven, Ocean's Eleven, Entrapment
Hardstyle/Hardcore/Gabba/Hard NRG/Happy Hardcore/Hard House
Don't try and tell me there's significant differences between the genres, because there's not. They're all as stupid as one another - ear wrenching synth stabs, melodies that sound like they were composed by a monkey dancing on a synthesizer, and that blistering BPM. Music for infantile minds, really.
The movie choice is so easy I shouldn't even need to spell it out - schlock horror.
Like horror movies, the "hardcore" genres are meant to be scary, enjoyable purely for shock value. The people who consume both these types of media pride themselves on their "harder than thou" attitude, but don't realise that everyone is laughing at them.
Hockey mask: an effective cure for low self-esteem stemming from one's aesthetic deficiencies.
The Thomas Crown Affair, Seven, Ocean's Eleven, Entrapment
Trance
Lord Of The Rings, Beowulf, The Matrix, Aliens, Merlin, Harry PotterDid I just say a dirty word?
Trance, you either love it or hate it. If you hate it, it's generally for one of two reasons:
1. You don't like flying over rainbows to magical happy land on the back of a unicorn.
2. You think trance is too fast, too hard, and pretty much the same as Gabba, in which case you've never really listened to it in the first place.
Trance is a music composed of WONDROUS melodies, overblown euphoria enough to make Willy Wonka cringe. Most of the people who listen to it are living in dreamland, riding on cloud 9, entranced by those shiny lasers and ascending arepggios. What fun!
Thus, trance can only be one thing: a fantasy movie.
Trance crackers are a lot like your average fantasy movie fan; they're lost in their own little world, oblivious to the aspersions being cast on them by others, and they like to dress up in stupid clothes too. Whether you're an Elf Mage dressed in a goblin-repelling green tunic, or a dirty raver wearing female-repelling phat pants, your head is in the same space - not on this planet.
Nice ears.
Tech and hard trance are a little more grounded, with a repertoire of harder beats and less of that namby-pamby, 20 minute breakdown, hands-in-the-air crap. As such, they embody darker tones and arguably cooler themes, which is why they are a Sci-Fi movie.
Bigger kick drums, harsher percussion, faster beats = robots, spaceships, aliens and lasers (of the destructive, killing kind of course, not the kind you reach for at 3am). Duh. Still, though Sci-Fi is generally pretty cool (think Arnie in Terminator), just like hard trance, it's also kind of gay - ala Star Trek.
Trance, you either love it or hate it. If you hate it, it's generally for one of two reasons:
1. You don't like flying over rainbows to magical happy land on the back of a unicorn.
2. You think trance is too fast, too hard, and pretty much the same as Gabba, in which case you've never really listened to it in the first place.
Trance is a music composed of WONDROUS melodies, overblown euphoria enough to make Willy Wonka cringe. Most of the people who listen to it are living in dreamland, riding on cloud 9, entranced by those shiny lasers and ascending arepggios. What fun!
Thus, trance can only be one thing: a fantasy movie.
Trance crackers are a lot like your average fantasy movie fan; they're lost in their own little world, oblivious to the aspersions being cast on them by others, and they like to dress up in stupid clothes too. Whether you're an Elf Mage dressed in a goblin-repelling green tunic, or a dirty raver wearing female-repelling phat pants, your head is in the same space - not on this planet.
Nice ears.Tech and hard trance are a little more grounded, with a repertoire of harder beats and less of that namby-pamby, 20 minute breakdown, hands-in-the-air crap. As such, they embody darker tones and arguably cooler themes, which is why they are a Sci-Fi movie.
Bigger kick drums, harsher percussion, faster beats = robots, spaceships, aliens and lasers (of the destructive, killing kind of course, not the kind you reach for at 3am). Duh. Still, though Sci-Fi is generally pretty cool (think Arnie in Terminator), just like hard trance, it's also kind of gay - ala Star Trek.
Hardstyle/Hardcore/Gabba/Hard NRG/Happy Hardcore/Hard House
Don't try and tell me there's significant differences between the genres, because there's not. They're all as stupid as one another - ear wrenching synth stabs, melodies that sound like they were composed by a monkey dancing on a synthesizer, and that blistering BPM. Music for infantile minds, really.
The movie choice is so easy I shouldn't even need to spell it out - schlock horror.
Like horror movies, the "hardcore" genres are meant to be scary, enjoyable purely for shock value. The people who consume both these types of media pride themselves on their "harder than thou" attitude, but don't realise that everyone is laughing at them.
Hockey mask: an effective cure for low self-esteem stemming from one's aesthetic deficiencies.
Paper thin plots, shonky acting, unconvincing scariness and questionable entertainment value, they all translate perfectly to hardcore. Paper thin melodies comprised of shonky sounds coupled with stupidity rather than scariness, and so on and so forth.
Resident Evil, Nightmare On Elm St, Scream, I Know What You Did Last Summer
Psy/Goa Trance
To the amateur ear, psy-trance sounds a hell of a lot like hardcore. Fast tempo, big, scary bass lines, twisted, random noises and plenty of stupid vocal samples about drugs. Right?
WRONG.
Yes, Psy-Trance is still like a horror movie, but it's one with good acting, genuine moments of fright, and a believable plot.
Saw: twisted shit.
Still - you have to wonder about the minds of these people. House heads might be gay, tech heads pretentious, trance crackers off in la-la land, and hardcore aficionados missing two or three chromosomes, but what kind of sick mind enjoys this deranged, scary music, or spending three days listening to it out in the wilderness without a shower for that matter?
Saw, Identity, Psycho, Silence Of the Lambs, A Clockwork Orange, The Ring
Indie/New Wave/Electro House
Where house is outright flamboyant, indie considers itself playful, with such awe-inspiring vocals as: "disco, disco, disco, disco, disco, disco, need to disco!", and quirky themes about girls who like to go ten pin bowling.
Really, the genre is pretty much as stupid as hardcore, though it's lacking the "scary" element, and doesn't take itself nearly so seriously either, thus making it the brainless comedy. See here for more detail.
Dumb & Dumber, Night At The Roxbury, Anchorman, Billy Madison
Jungle/Drum 'n' Bass
Drum 'n' Bass is a very closed scene (at least where round these parts), with people outside of it largely clueless as to the kind of people who attend and where the parties are held.
Like trance, it's listeners are very much wrapped up in their encapsulating world, but much more aware of what the hell's going on around them. Their dark, fast music scares others away, making entry to the scene relatively difficult for most.
Thus, DnB's dark tones, fast pace, and strange sounds are much like that cult sci-fi movie which you've never even heard of. The background is impossible to grasp unless you've read up on the internet, the story too intense and long-winded to bother with, and plenty of stuff about futuristic vampires, clones and espionage. Definitely entertaining if you know what's going on, but otherwise just a crock of shit.
No examples here: they're all too underground for me (maybe Blade).
Dubstep & Grime
A close relation to DnB, Dubstep is a gritty, underground genre which fuses many elements, often using them to good effect, but sometimes missing the mark. It's accessible to the masses, due to recognisable elements such as MCing, or it's deep bassy synths. When done well, it's not too bad. 99% of the the time, I'd rather stab myself in the eye with a rusty fork instead.
Snatch, Lockstock & Two Smoking Barrels, Fight Club, Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction
Leftfield/Trip-Hop
Now, here's a genre which you won't hear me slagging off. Surprisingly, this is a style I admire massively for it's innovative approach, artist integrity and emotional feel, yet rarely listen to. Why?
It's boring as hell, that's why. Where's the energy lads?
The best thing about the genre is the fact that by it's very nature, it can't be bastardized. In EVERY genre, there is good and bad music, and a selection of tracks made by talentless producers simply for fame or money. Left-field strives to be different from anything else, and thus doesn't seem to suffer so much from "cookie cutter" generic elements that other fields do.
It's unique, clever, and emotional all at the same time. It's an art house movie!
Just like art house, it's brilliant when you're in the mood, but if you're not, it's tiresome and you'd rather watch anything else, even Resident Evil or Night At The Roxbury.
American Beauty, Babel, Shawshank Redemption
Resident Evil, Nightmare On Elm St, Scream, I Know What You Did Last Summer
Psy/Goa Trance
To the amateur ear, psy-trance sounds a hell of a lot like hardcore. Fast tempo, big, scary bass lines, twisted, random noises and plenty of stupid vocal samples about drugs. Right?
WRONG.
Yes, Psy-Trance is still like a horror movie, but it's one with good acting, genuine moments of fright, and a believable plot.
Saw: twisted shit.
Still - you have to wonder about the minds of these people. House heads might be gay, tech heads pretentious, trance crackers off in la-la land, and hardcore aficionados missing two or three chromosomes, but what kind of sick mind enjoys this deranged, scary music, or spending three days listening to it out in the wilderness without a shower for that matter?
Saw, Identity, Psycho, Silence Of the Lambs, A Clockwork Orange, The Ring
Indie/New Wave/Electro House
Where house is outright flamboyant, indie considers itself playful, with such awe-inspiring vocals as: "disco, disco, disco, disco, disco, disco, need to disco!", and quirky themes about girls who like to go ten pin bowling.
Really, the genre is pretty much as stupid as hardcore, though it's lacking the "scary" element, and doesn't take itself nearly so seriously either, thus making it the brainless comedy. See here for more detail.
Dumb & Dumber, Night At The Roxbury, Anchorman, Billy Madison
Jungle/Drum 'n' Bass
Drum 'n' Bass is a very closed scene (at least where round these parts), with people outside of it largely clueless as to the kind of people who attend and where the parties are held.
Like trance, it's listeners are very much wrapped up in their encapsulating world, but much more aware of what the hell's going on around them. Their dark, fast music scares others away, making entry to the scene relatively difficult for most.
Thus, DnB's dark tones, fast pace, and strange sounds are much like that cult sci-fi movie which you've never even heard of. The background is impossible to grasp unless you've read up on the internet, the story too intense and long-winded to bother with, and plenty of stuff about futuristic vampires, clones and espionage. Definitely entertaining if you know what's going on, but otherwise just a crock of shit.
No examples here: they're all too underground for me (maybe Blade).
Dubstep & Grime
A close relation to DnB, Dubstep is a gritty, underground genre which fuses many elements, often using them to good effect, but sometimes missing the mark. It's accessible to the masses, due to recognisable elements such as MCing, or it's deep bassy synths. When done well, it's not too bad. 99% of the the time, I'd rather stab myself in the eye with a rusty fork instead.
Snatch, Lockstock & Two Smoking Barrels, Fight Club, Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction
Leftfield/Trip-Hop
Now, here's a genre which you won't hear me slagging off. Surprisingly, this is a style I admire massively for it's innovative approach, artist integrity and emotional feel, yet rarely listen to. Why?
It's boring as hell, that's why. Where's the energy lads?
The best thing about the genre is the fact that by it's very nature, it can't be bastardized. In EVERY genre, there is good and bad music, and a selection of tracks made by talentless producers simply for fame or money. Left-field strives to be different from anything else, and thus doesn't seem to suffer so much from "cookie cutter" generic elements that other fields do.
It's unique, clever, and emotional all at the same time. It's an art house movie!
Just like art house, it's brilliant when you're in the mood, but if you're not, it's tiresome and you'd rather watch anything else, even Resident Evil or Night At The Roxbury.
American Beauty, Babel, Shawshank Redemption
5 comments:
a funny comparison and pretty spot on even if we don't really share musical tastes. A funny read!
Great analogies, loved it!
cute.
nice one!
To compare Happy Hardcore and Gabber is pretty stupid really. Yeah they may have a different BPM but the structure and content of each genre is totally different.
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