A Bad Name For Dance Music

Does this look familiar to you?

Have you, perhaps, seen one of these kids strutting around your local nightspot, posing for photos with their tongue stuck out? Racking a line of k in a toilet? Or, most commonly, dancing like a spastic to so called "nu rave" music?

Well, if not, count your lucky stars, because, here in Melbourne, they're a plague.

While the term "indie" is used differently in other parts of the world, in Melbourne, the term is used to encompass the styles of music known collectively as "electro-rock", "nu rave" and "disco-rock".

Such labels involved in the distribution and promotion of this music are Ed Banger, Modular, Kitsune, Wichita and International Deejay Gigolo Records.

Artists and groups such as The Klaxons, Boys Noize, The Presets, Cut Copy, The Midnight Juggernaughts, MSTRKRFT, Justice, Mr Oizo, Kavinsky, Busy P, New Young Pony Club, Digitalism, Colder, Hot Chip, Chromeo and Van She are typically associated with this scene.

Now, I'm here to explain why this so called "indie" music is a complete disgrace, and why I wish it would leave as soon as possible, so that we can return to the lesser of two evils - three word vocal house tracks such as those that ruled the clubs in '04 - My My My and Eric Prydz', er..."bomb" - Call On Me.

The main problem I have with "indie" (quotation marks indicate contempt in this example), is not just that the music itself is terrible, it's that it's trying to be something it's not. Is it dance music, is it rock, or is it both? Some people seem to have a hard time answering this question, but not me.

Big ups to Britney Spears for releasing loads of shit music over all these years; at least she knows her place in the world. Indie artists aren't quite so clever.

Since the year 2000, rock music has slowly been falling from grace in this country, and as a result, it is no longer cool to be into that kind of music. Going to rock concerts is not the "done" thing.

What, then, has the solution been these past two or three years?

Make rock music danceable. The result is indie.

That's a great concept, but the big problem I have with that is that, as a result, this city's clubs are now packed full of people who do not like dance music. Techno, trance, or even the most benign, laidback house, such as current-day Kaskade, or early Bob Sinclar, are widely abhorred whole-heartedly by these sheep who now worship people they call "DJs".

That's not to say that everyone who loves indie hates true dance music, on the contrary, many true dance fans have now taken a liking to this music. However, what indie provides is an avenue for all the people who should have stayed at rock concerts to enter the clubs in the name of cool and proclaim "I love dance music", while having no idea of what the thing even is.

Some fans of the genre may claim, in fact, that indie is dance music, but I couldn't disagree more.
Dance music has structure. Dance music has rhythm, and dance music tells a story, without the instant gratification that pop or rock offers.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy rock. I love heavy metal. Tool, Rammstein, Foo Fighters, Nirvana, Led Zeppelin, Incubus, Silverchair and System Of A Down. Love them all, but they have no place in a club.

Rock music, except for the progressive kind that Tool plays, is all about instant gratification. Intros are so brief that you can miss them, and a "long" song goes for six minutes.

Dance music, on the other hand, is all about a sense of anticipation. Melodies build over time, and feelings develop. Ideas are fleshed out and given time to take shape. Coupled with the structure and rhythm ingrained in a 4/4 kick drum, dance music is entrancing, epic, and tells a true story as it draws listeners in and envelops them in bliss. At least good dance music will - I'm not talking about Call On Me again.

To me, rock music is to good dance music what a cheap, quick-shot superficial sitcom is to an artful movie, painstakingly shot and spliced together over many hours, days, months or even years.

The sitcom will give instant gratification, but you won't remember it in a year's time. The well-crafted movie however...will have you thinking about it for months afterwards, and remembering the feelings it gave you.

Applying these conditions to indie music, and it's painfully clear that it's just rock music with a harder beat, not dance music with guitars (this is though). Songs last five minutes at most, and feature bland melodies, with a heavy focus on vocals to distract listeners from this. Transitions between verses are as obvious as the nose on my face, and no attempt is ever made at establishing an idea or sound over time. Hence why rock fans enjoy this music. If you need any final proof, it's that many of the groups call themselves "bands", which is a rock phenomenon.

Perhaps my dislike of indie wouldn't be so bad weren't for the fact that the fans are such tools. They are the kind of people that think 128kbps mp3s sound great and fast-forward the intros of real dance music because "the first minute is worthless".

Not being true fans of dance music, they don't go to clubs for the music. It's all about booze, drugs, the opposite sex, and being "seen". Most indie jocks DJ because it will increase their cool factor, not because they like decent music. I'm yet to see an indie DJ who can beat match, or even seems to have any concept of what that is. Going solely on appearances, most indie DJs seem to think that crossfaders are on/off switches, not gradual volume controls. That's ironic, because the music they play is the same - there's no graduation between verses - it's either in-your face or not there at all.

Damning proof of indie kids' deep-down ambivalence to music is proven through the way they act and dress. Of course, fashion and dance music have always gone hand-in-hand, as both are ever-evolving, transient entities controlled by the will of the masses, and besides, everyone wants to look good when they go out, right?

Indie takes things to a whole new level. Never mind if your winkle pickers hurt your feet, because you probably don't plan on dancing anyway!


The whole indie scene is based on these kinds of ridiculous fashions.

Just look at the photos I collected below. Each person is clearly dressed like they are because they want to be seen, not because they're there to enjoy music.

Male indie types seem to come in two flavours:

Pseudo black guy/Marty McFly - oversized trainers or "kicks", tight jeans, baggy shirts, and baseball caps with the brims flipped up, all in garish flouro that would make someone from the 80's cringe.

This flavour is also likely to wear t-shirts with their childhood cartoons on them, such as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Sesame Street, Fat Albert or Captain Planet. If not this, then usually a lame slogan such as "will fuck for coke".





The second type attempts to look intelligent and/or sophisticated. Tight jeans, winkle pickers, skinny ties, cardigans and long, wavy hair are the order of the day. Occasionally they will also throw in a pair of glasses. They keep themselves rake thin on a diet of cocaine or ketamine - but not speed, because that's a raver drug!



See, this is what really bugs me. It's not about the music. It's about being in the scene, it's all about looking cool.

I'm sure people will be quick to point out that a candy raver is not that far removed from indie types; and really, I'm inclined to agree. A candy raver likes drugs, lollipops and stupid clothes far more than they care about music, and are hence just as pathetic.

Any indie fan would be quick to comment here and say "I listen to The Klaxons all day at home , I love them, and that has nothing to do with being cool."

Well, to that...I say this: It's fucking rock music. It's glorified rock music. Take it elsewhere stop giving dance a bad name.